ten things i probably should have told you

i know you hated when we fought
but it's the only time
i ever felt genuine passion between us

i don't think i've ever missed you once,
i think i miss the idea i had of you

i was okay with you not loving me
but what made me feel the need
to shred my arms with anger
was you whispering your love to another girl

when you said "we grew distant,"
i saw it more as "i want to die more and more each day
and you haven't noticed my detachment from life"

i believed you when you said you loved me
the first time
the second time
the four hundredth time
but the last time was anything but sincerity

you were so childish in the sense
you thought when i was mad at you
i suddenly stopped loving you

i wasn't lying when i said
i won't ever stop loving you
and that's something i will have to deal with
every day of the rest of my life

you made me regret all my wrongdoings,
you made me feel like a bad person,
you made me want to be a better human

you have the purest heart

although thoughts of you with her
are poison in my brain,
i can't help but wanting to call you
and ask if she makes you as happy
as you once told me i did